The Free Life. March 23rd 2021

We love the free life, but we don't know what it is.  

Once, I walked and ran across the Land;   

We walked and ran like horses, like deer                                                                                  We ambled like bears, trotted like wolves

And our ears flicked and our eyes scanned the Sky                                                               Looking for the eagle above                                                                                                    And we scanned the Land for the fox below                                                                                                     And the otters in the River                                                                                                                            And the great whales in the Sea.

We were the last to appear.  All things already had their place,                                                                              All animals their dens,                                                                                                                             Their burrows, their nests, their webs,                                                                                      Their thickets, meadows, eyries,                                                                                             Their tall grasses, cliffs, tide pools... 

We are afraid now.                                                                                                                                    They have no need of us,                                                                                                             Of our furniture, our silverware, our machinery,                                                                       All our clothes, our great many shoes, stacks of paper,                                                                            Our complicated credit and debt..

Our obligations to a Great Society                                                                                                           Which seems to float further and further away from us                                                                        Shining in all its complicated architecture                                                                                 And irremediable components.

When I was young I was romantic about the Land.                                                                   I tried to live there, houseless and penniless, no car, no address,                                                No job..                                                                                                                                      No friends either.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It proved itself too much for me.

But I have not forgotten the Dream.  

I too love the free life,                                                                                                                  I can envision it as seamless, where we fit,                                                                           Properly, ingeniously, wonderfully in the palm of Nature's Land.                                                                   But I may never know what it truly is, this time.  

We are not beneficial yet.

There is a deep understanding, where fear is more akin to awe.                                                                Perfect love has something to do with knowing                                                                                 Who you are and where you truly belong.

In the end, this body belongs to the Land, and my Heart is content with that.  

Friday April 9th 2021. Dear Diary

 Hi Lisa!

I've been ferrying my dad around to Dr. Appointments and spending whole days checking in with the pharmacy to pick up that prescription that will be ready "in about an hour" or so, running around doing errands, pickup and dropoff, and such. Safeway, being "short-handed" in the pharmacy, has a substitute which is the phone, where you cannot leave a message.  So I can't reach a Real Person by phone and must Drive Over to see IF it's ready YET.  My poor dad has been by turns grumpy, over confident, confused, deflated, alarmed, apologetic, and telling jokes.  He's had a sudden go around with a UTI and his usual cavalier attitude has had a real workout.   First round of antibiotics and probiotics have not cleared the infection, so, round two.  I'm on call.  I'm making him dinner tomorrow night since Wednesday was a wash.. 

I had no idea I could lose so much time trying to be efficient, hahahaha!

Anyway, the week has been a cluster fuck.  My desperate goal for today is to make some kind of sense out of the living/dining room and kitchen, which have started to sink under all the detritus, icons and artifacts of Doug's and my Past Lives, exhumed from the drying barn which Doug wants to start working on, and closets and bookshelves.  

All my own appointments have either cancelled or been moved, at least once.  I missed my chiropractor appointment which is too long a story.. I stopped at the library yesterday to drop off and pickup, and managed to leave them with my driver's license.  They called, so I KNOW where it is.  

And that's just on the local scene.  Anyway, I hope the dust settles.  I have almost no Hospice clients Thank God and I'm hoping next week will be a little less frenetic and I can visit you without twitching  hahahahahah

I did get the 12-step book by J B Peterson, it looks pretty interesting; the introduction by Dr. Doige has captured me so I'm optimistic that I may even be able to read the book.

  Sidney