Fear Series: Fear and Identity

Fear has the flashlight on Who Am I
And Who Am I covers her face

What am I waking up from?
Or am I falling asleep again?

There is a time when you are between the dream and the light,
Still in God’s mind?
Or being formed in secret?
And you exist, apparently, without a name.
How long?  I am not sure.
A few months in the womb?  A few years?  A lifetime?
Do we go to the grave without a name?

Being born into the world has its restrictions
And with them there is a measure of safety
Of identity
At least, it’s the same.
(My name is plain)

Sometimes even a name is no assurance of identity.  It’s just a saddle.

Who I am inside, in the glare of fear
Is confused by time and change.
Times change.  This body ages.  Do I change?  Have I aged?
How will I love you when I am older?
Will I be dead inside and covered with the ivy of the world?

It is confusing.
It is a trial to change from child to adolescent
To adult, to middle age, and on and on
To keep adjusting to the outfits and expectations
And resignations
Does fear swallow up hope and become disillusionment?
Will I finally swallow the monster that terrifies me
Or will it consume me?  Will I dissolve?

Does it matter?