Forgiveness Where? 1984

Forgive.
Forgive those who despitefully use you
Pray for those who persecute you.

I would
I would
But it is easier said.

I want to stay in the back scullery where no-one goes
And bang around the pots and pans.

Years ago I bore a child of such great hope
A child of such sorrow and pain
The child of a betrayer, upon the deathbed of love.

My firstborn I held innocent
But the sire cast his lot for the shroud of my heart
And gained Cupid’s arrow, all in pitchy flame.

Forgiveness is an attitude reproaching me for my inability
Forcing open the violations of the past
Jimmying the doors of the heart
Forgiveness is an attitude that threatens me with another devastation
And you want trust, as well?
Oh, God!  How I undergo the agony!
The wound inflicted by one so trusted!
If I had known, as you did, I would never have loved him, as you did.

I cannot make peace with my Judas; would he not quickly kiss me again?
There is no peace for my humiliation
I can look back on that pain and long to forgive
I can pray for him knowing I must
But the positive motions of my heart--
Faith, and trust, my love, and understanding?
They will not consent to be given to anyone
But you.