When was Christmas joyful?
When have I not had the weight of years and experience
To crush me?
When was there family?
When was I not alone?
This journey has become eternity
I search and search
And each Noel finds me not at home.
My husband has given in to the wish of the past that remains
Forever unfulfilled
He went to spend Christmas with someone else’s children,
And with the wrong woman.
The cold works through my body
Like frost consuming a bucket of water
I wait for him to come back home
Hoping the Old Man will remember the little boy
I wait for the end of this persecution
Some say there is a seed of courage deep in the soul
That needs a fearful moment to start it sprouting
Deep it must be, and small, in me.
He laughs to cheer me up
He uses me and does not realize it
He takes my help hungrily and offers only trespass in return
He runs to the shelter of another woman’s home
And I remain alone, exhausted.
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