River

What would I do if it were not for You?

How I trust You, day by day.  How I trust You.

With my fears, with my panic, with my hopes and dreams

With my laughter and tears.

You are within, experiencing life as and through me

Not me, yet with me, yet my life.

The appropriate question then is, What is it that You are doing?

Life is fluid, and it doesn't snag itself on the logs in the river bed. 

We need structure; like the fish need the logs in the river bed.  Life devoid of structure would move at blinding speeds, and we ourselves are creatures of structure.  But our structures are merely containers for the water of life, which doesn't snag itself on the logs.  

I'm bobbing along in my own current sort of snagged on the incidents of my life, slowly realizing the magnificent proportions life can take on if I can imagine that there are other logs downstream.  Whole landscapes, even.  Having the freedom to let go and float down to an entirely different landscape is the hope I have of the future; of life.  Not that I want different structures or views, I want the freedom from nagging worry and sheer panic, which is not in the best interest of peace of mind.  

We seem to have wildly differing opinions about the nature of the universe.  Some of my people think the universe is not a friendly place, but rough, unpredictable, and dangerous.  Some think that the universe is not conscious, not unconscious, not anything but mechanistic.  Some think it is a Disney movie.  Well, I know it is rough, unpredictable, and dangerous, but I cannot be convinced that it is not conscious, neither unconscious, nor a machine.  Rather, I am aware over and again, that it is very very big.  Also, extravagant, generous, and benevolent.  My experience.  

You cannot make people be or do what you want, and sometimes they really hurt you, intentionally or not.  But the universe, or however you grok God, there is a possibility for a connection that makes anything possible, and anything endurable.  When I think like this, then there is comfort for me.  There is hope.  I need these things.  Without them, there is really hardly a reason to live.  I am alive, and I seem to need the reasons. 

Lately, the states of mind I need have to do with the vitality of water, the ability of water to flow, to engender life, to conform to any barrier and slowly overcome it, the ability of water to take on the virtue of whatever is infused in it, and then impart that to whatever it irrigates.  Water is not impeded by structure.

Rivers of life are promised as we put our faith in powers greater than ourselves.  A baptism into a life of spirit promises an infusion of eternal life.  Slowly, the language is beginning to sink in and the realities, may they show as evidence.